the murky waters

as a young person, i often struggle with finding the right ways to deal with stress. i guess, delving into that first comment a little further, what makes something ‘the right way’ for dealing with stress? normally speaking, if you were to try and google this, you would be given a lot of ‘healthy’ suggestions, but put simply, i don’t think there is a right way. yes, i’ll admit there are ways in which i and others deal with stress that isn’t necessarily overtly healthy, but i think that’s missing the point. i’m not here to condone using substances, especially those which are chemically addictive. it’s not my place to make those comments. i’m just here to talk out my views on stress relief.

i think one of the most important things when considering how you deal with stress is the variety. a hammer can’t screw a nail and a screwdriver can’t hammer a nail (a simple and overused metaphorical comparison to a toolbox, but an important one). stress should be addressed in much the same fashion. this is where i want to loop back in the idea of ‘right’ ways of mitigating stress. i think if you practice variety, there introduces this idea that there isn’t one ‘right’ way. the screwdriver might not be made to hammer a nail, but flip that bad boy around and the handle makes a pretty good replacement in a crunch. this is to say, those ways in which the rest of the internet wants you to feel guilt over choosing to relieve your stress in a ‘wrong’ manner are ill founded. it is okay to drink a beer, or smoke a j to relieve stress. now again, similar to our metaphor, you wouldn’t want to use the screwdriver to jam all the nails in or else you’d eventually start to see a decrease in the quality of your craftmanship. you can’t completely replace the hammer or supposedly ‘right’ stress relief with solely the screwdriver or beer.

building a variety of methods for stress mitigation may further help with the decrease in efficacy of an individual method. one easy way that I deal with stress initially is to ‘watch’ my breath. this works great many times as it is the quickest, most accessible tool I have on me at all times. but, unfortunately, sometimes it just doesn’t cut it. in any normal case, if i had learned to fall back on breath work as my only mode of relief, i’d likely become panicked as i realised my stress was not being assuaged. thankfully, i know i have a variety. i can call my girlfriend. or maybe i can try changing my immediate environment. the main point here is that i feel comfortable using multiple approaches.

what I want the takeaway from all this rambling to be is that the last thing you want to do when dealing with stress is tell yourself your immediate desire is wrong. the only person who truly will understand what is best for you is ultimately yourself. now, don’t carry that too far. you can easily learn to access yourself in an improved fashion through the guidance of others. i’m attempting to guide you now, but you’ll have to be the one to decide if its worth absorbing. so, you just had a bad day at work and you want to stop by the store and buy a cupcake? someone might tell you this is an unhealthy response. but you know what you want; buy the cupcake. if that is your immediate response every time, then again look back to my point on variety.

lastly, the only way to develop that variety is through disciplined ‘trialing’ of stress hygiene routines. most people can’t just immediately try paying attention to their breath and find relief from it. this is additionally why many people look toward an external stimuli (food or other substance) immediately because they haven’t taken the time to learn other ‘tools.’ don’t expect stress to be an easy creature to tame. you must practice and practice again. this might come as a bummer as i’m merely beating a dead horse with the notion that ‘practice makes perfect,’ but it’s true. you’ll only learn that breathwork doesn’t work well for you if you give it some dedicated time to test it. start small. take 5 minutes before you go to bed every night for a week and try doing a simple breath exercise, or whatever tool you’re interested in adding to your lineup. maybe after a week or so it’ll come naturally and the gears will grind smoothly.

again, i’m not an expert. and i’m still definitely not great at managing my own stress. these are simply ways in which i’ve begun to teach myself. just remember, learning takes time but it feels a lot better when you’re the sole one choosing to do it. i wish you luck.

peace,

D.